ok decided to type in english because it would be so much faster than typing chinese. (i guess this is also one reason why i didnt get an A1)
today i got back my results. even though i keep saying that i would be really contented if i didnt get an B, i am really really sad that i got only a A2. well i do agree (and regret) that i didnt put in as much any (hard) work into chinese as/like other people, but getting a A2 when people ** gets A1, it just hurts more. my chinese was supposed to be my best subject?! and i even got the same grades as others. GRRRR.
gah. so i cried when people keep probing and asking what i got. ok, maybe not when they asked but rather when they gave the shocked face. HELLO i know that i didnt do as expected but dont need to give me that face. F--- off!
and then ma called. worse. HAHA. cos like when she asked, i cried again. i really didnt want to cry but HEY, it was her who keep telling me that it's easy to get a A1 (just because shan got it) and then she uses my words to console me "that i will be contented if i dont get B". it doesnt work. AT ALL. it just made me feel worse, because everytime she would add pressure on me unknowingly in situations like this. saying things that are considered 风凉话，then when results are not as expected, she would try and turn things around by saying things that you have said before, which hurts you more because you wanted another grade so badly just FOR HER. ): ok face the fact, i am not contented with only A2 alright?! i expected myself to excel in chinese ok. i mean like i have always been the one that people think that i would score excellently for chinese. and i get this kind of results. WTF. and and, people who came and "console" me didnt really help:
kwanling speaks english and then she come and tell me her results. -________-"
nicholas got A1 and then try to be funny but made me feel worse.
lakshmi doesnt even take the exam.
the rest? they just care about their own results.
another thing to add on to my sadness is ma not being at home when i wanted her to. i just hoped so badly that she would at least be at home to like console me (even though she always make things worse, but her prescene and trust can make me feel better) but she is not.
i do admit that A is not bad. but i am not contented ok?! i want that A1 to prove myself. i dont wanna live under shan anymore. but this time round, i failed again. D; and much worse, classmate's tongues may start wagging. I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE TALK ABOUT YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU DIDNT MANAGED TO DO WELL IN CERTAIN THING THAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DO WELL IN.
* bee, jen, chirstine
** CUT: whose grades are supposingly 不必我好 ie honey, fake, coughs1*
URGH.
0 comments| Leave a Comment: |